The Day I Signed My Name to a Marriage I Knew Was Wrong

I’m sharing something deeply personal and sensitive in this blog and I’m speaking openly about domestic abuse so please be aware of that before you continue.

When I was in my twenties, even though there was every red flag in the book, I signed my name to a marriage and I knew it was wrong. 

He was violent. He lied. He cheated. He stole from me. But honestly the person I hated most wasn’t him. It was me. For what I allowed. For staying when I knew I should leave. For seeing myself as weak when everyone else thought I was a force of nature.

I kept it hidden. Covered the bruises. Smiled like everything was fine. The only person who knew was a colleague I trusted. I told her, “If I don’t come in one day and they say I had an accident, tell them it won’t have been.”

That’s how deep it went. How dark it got. That’s how much I’d lost myself.

The Aftermath

The truth is, you don’t just walk away and everything is ok. The physical escape is one thing – the emotional recovery is another. You carry it with you… the shame. The guilt. The disbelief that you let it happen. 

When I finally left and divorced him, that’s when the real work began.

Not on fixing anyone else… but on understanding myself and changing who I was.

And I’m not advocating his behaviour. That’s not what this is about.

But because even before him, the pattern was clear…

I kept attracting men who needed ‘fixing’.
Men who took more than they gave.
And the good men – I pushed away.

I’ve always said, if I’d met Neil (my now hubby who is the polar opposite!) sooner, I wouldn’t have been with him. Because he didn’t need fixing.

The truth was, the one who needed fixing was me.

Fixing the part of me that thought love had to be earned.
Fixing the part that confused struggle with connection.
Fixing the part that held such low standards for what she thought she deserved.

Finding Myself Again

And that’s why I’m so passionate about the work we do today. Because our company and our programmes aren’t just about coaching skills or tools.

They’re about healing. Healing you first and foremost.

And what we know and what we teach are born from some of the most difficult wounds of my life and Cheryl’s too…

Now that wisdom is helping so many people create freedom, love and transformation – for themselves and for others.

Your past doesn’t define you. But unless you change at an identity level… it does and will keep repeating.

I no longer feel shame. I’m proud of the courage I had to face into who I was and what I no longer was ready to tolerate.

I’m proud of myself for taking my pain and using it as a catalyst to help thousands of people.

I’m honoured that my soul contract was to be the circuit breaker for generations of women in my lineage.

And – if that’s you too, I hope you love yourself as much as I love you for doing it.

Faith and Love,

Dr Donna 🤍

The masks kept you safe once. They’re not needed anymore. Come meet the part of you you’ve been holding back. She’s waiting inside The Real You®.